mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I just sharted jello shots
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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