WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
