For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
