i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
