I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
