I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
