I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
