Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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