I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
