Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
