Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
