Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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