I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
