I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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