He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
it's like iHOP with fire
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
