he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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