The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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