She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
