I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
