your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
