We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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