sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
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there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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