We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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