apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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