Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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