wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Randomize
