I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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