if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
