Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
