Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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