Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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