remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
