True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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