I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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