i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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