I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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