I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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