Buhtt sex?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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