last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
