i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
