well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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