Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
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Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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