Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
