I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
