i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
