the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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