if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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