I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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