if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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