i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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