I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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