Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So many bounce houses so little time
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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