Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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