We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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