she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
