he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
