Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
