you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
