If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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