YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
