i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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