Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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