Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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